Why I use EMDR therapy to improve Self-Esteem?
You might wonder: Isn’t EMDR just for big traumas? Great question. The answer is: yes, it was first developed for trauma but it works beautifully for self‐esteem because low self‐esteem often arises from early messages we internalize, experiences we didn’t fully process, and beliefs that were never challenged.
Here are some of the reasons I choose EMDR when we’re working together on self-esteem:
It gets to the root of negative beliefs. Many people with low self‐esteem say things like “I’m not worthy,” “I always mess up,” “No one will believe in me.” These beliefs often trace back to moments when you felt small, unseen, shamed, criticized, or unsupported. EMDR allows you to access those past moments, reduce their emotional charge, and transform the belief.
It supports the installation of positive self-beliefs. One of the powerful phases of EMDR is installation. This is where we intentionally strengthen a healthier belief (for example, “I am worthy,” “I deserve good things,” “I can make mistakes and still be okay”).
It fosters a shift in how you relate to yourself in the present. The goal isn’t to erase your past, but to help you show up now from a different place. You begin to live from your strengths, not your wounds.
It’s efficient and adaptable. Research shows EMDR can lead to change relatively quickly compared to many therapies.
So when I say I use EMDR to improve self-esteem, what I mean is: I’m inviting you into a process where we both explore the old, stuck self-beliefs AND build new ones, so you feel more solid in yourself, ready for the life you want, and kinder to yourself along the way.
Three Tangible Skills We May Work On Together
Let’s move from “what” to “how.” Here are three skills we’ll use in our sessions and you can begin practicing now, even outside therapy, to cultivate self‐esteem using EMDR-informed ideas.
Skill 1: Identify and Name the Core Belief
One of the first steps is to uncover the core negative belief that’s dragging down your self‐esteem. This might look like “I’m worthless,” “I have to be perfect,” “I don’t deserve love,” or “I’ll always be behind.”
How to practice it now:
Grab a notebook or journal.
Over the next week, each time you notice a moment of self-doubt, ask: What was the message I heard when I felt this way?
Write it down in the form: “I believe _____.”
In our session, we’ll use that belief as something to work on in our EMDR work so you can feel the moment it first began (or a powerful example of it) and then we’ll begin the re-processing.
Skill 2: Resource Building and Positive Belief Installation
Once the core belief is identified, it’s time to build positive self-resources and install healthier beliefs. With EMDR, this means creating a strong “anchor” of what you do believe about yourself, what you want to believe, and weaving that into the process so your brain learns the new belief as real.
How to practice it now:
Identify 2-3 “evidence” moments: times when you felt good about yourself, succeeded, were kind to yourself, or someone believed in you. Write them down.
Create a short statement of positive belief: e.g., “I am enough exactly as I am,” “I can grow and learn,” “ they don’t define me,” “I am worthy of good relationships and good work.”
When you notice the old belief surfacing (“I’ll never be good enough”), pause and say the positive belief out loud. Then anchor it: press your feet into the floor, slow your breath, and imagine the positive belief like a light filling your chest.
In EMDR sessions, we’ll use these moments and beliefs to “install” the positive belief using EMDR techniques so your brain begins to accept it as truth.
Skill 3: Body Awareness and Self-Compassion in the Moment
Low self‐esteem doesn’t just show up in thoughts, it lives in your body (tight shoulders, sinking chest, racing heart, “I’m going to mess up” feeling). EMDR helps with the body component, but clients also benefit from building in self‐compassion and body grounding skills.
How to practice it now:
Set aside 2-3 minutes each day to pause and scan your body: “Where am I holding tension?” “What am I feeling in my chest/shoulders/stomach right now?”
When you detect tension or negative self-talk, step into a self‐compassion pause. Use the three elements of self‐compassion:
Self-kindness: “It’s okay that I feel this… I’m doing the best I can.”
Common humanity: “Other people feel this way too. This doesn’t mean I’m alone or weird.”
Mindfulness: “I notice this feeling with curiosity, not judgement.”
Then anchor your body: feet on the floor, deep in-and-out breath, soft “I’m safe in this moment” statement.
In our EMDR work, when we do the body‐scan phase, we’ll dig into these bodily sensations tied to the old belief and help shift the body’s response so you can feel different not just think different.
Bringing It All Together: What Change Looks Like
When you engage with EMDR and these skills, what might begin to shift? You might notice:
Less automatic self-criticism. The voice of “I’m not enough” doesn’t grab you all the time.
More freedom to make mistakes, learn, and move on…not being stuck in “I have to be perfect.”
A stronger connection to your authentic self: you’re not just trying to meet someone else’s expectations you’re becoming the person you want to be.
More grounded presence in your life: navigating career, relationships, identity with more self-trust.
A gentler relationship with yourself: when old beliefs pop up, you know how to identify them, shift into a healthier belief, and settle your body.
A Few Notes on EMDR & Safety
EMDR isn’t about erasing your past. It’s about re‐processing it so it stops running your present.
It’s not “easy” sometimes you’ll feel uncomfortable. But you will be supported.
It’s important to work with someone trained in EMDR and aware of how self‐esteem work intersects with life transitions, identity, and developmental issues.
EMDR works well alongside other therapy work (like talk therapy, relational work, CBT), and it’s not a standalone fix but it amplifies change in meaningful ways.
Why This Matters to You…Especially in Your 20s/30s
In your 20s and 30s, you’re often juggling: work changes, maybe moving cities, identity questions (“Who am I really if I’m not just my job?”), relational shifts (friendships, romantic, family), and the pressure of “shoulds” (“Should I have it all together by now?”).
If you’re doing a lot of internal work but still feel a voice inside that whispers “I’m not enough,” EMDR can help shift that voice. So you can step into your life from a place of I am enough rather than I’m still broken. The combination of insight + embodied healing + practical skills is what makes the difference.
Final Words
When you book with me, you’re not just signing up to talk about self‐esteem. You’re choosing to do something different to dig into why you believe what you believe about yourself, to free your mind and body from old messages, and to build a new platform of self‐worth, confidence and self-trust.
If you feel ready to make peace with your past, stop letting old beliefs run your future, and walk into your 20s/30s with more grounded confidence and self-compassion, I’d be honored to walk with you.
If this resonates, reach out and we’ll chat about how we might use EMDR together in your journey of self-discovery and growth.
Disclaimer: The information in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Everyone’s experience is unique. If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional in your area.
If you are in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 in the U.S. to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for immediate support.
